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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First stop, I hit up the café on Storgatan. You know, the one with the crazy good cinnamon buns? Yeah, that one. I grab my usual, and the barista, this chill dude named Erik, is like, “You’re gonna need extra sugar today.” I’m like, “Why? What’s happening?” He just smirks. I should’ve taken that as a warning.

Trollhättan pupils return after fatal school attack